Slumberella

Zzzzzzzzz. Huh? Wha? Oh, sorry, just give The Phantom a chance to wipe the drool from his chin. He seems to have taken a little snooze there. And he fears that TTC’s season-opening production of Cinderella was responsible. We’ve seen a string of hits from TTC, but (and The Phantom recognizes that, as he is about to suggest that this show was perfectly ordinary—no, check that, humdrum—feelings are about to be hurt) [but The Phantom, as phaithful Phans will attest, wishes no one ill will] {the problem, of course, is that this is a dirty job, but The Phantom has to do it} <okay, but why? Why must The Phantom proceed?> /Oh, that’s easy. Because it’s his blog, that’s why. The larger, more important question is why you would pay any attention to the rambling opinion of one cranky, albeit exceptionally insightful, theatergoer with some time on his hands\ (but do, please, read on) this show was a big miss. It didn’t bomb, but it did fizzle. Dud comes to mind. Slow comes to mind. Sleep comes to mind.

We opened with a crowd scene and a town-crier who belted out “The Prince is having a ball!” The costumes were sumptuous, the singer was strong and the crowd was, well, large. But the crier was hitting some tough high notes, and we had hopes that our leads would be even better than this young man (who was quite good). And maybe that expectation did not serve us well, because it was not to be.

The story was unchanged from the original fairy tale, with the possible exception of the fairy godmother. She promised no special favors or magic and was less a “fairy” godmother and more of a “Life Coach.” It was an interesting twist with a modern, more reasonable flair. But really, what fun is that? The whole point of the tale is that a good, ordinary, plain girl gets magically transported to beautiful with a pretty dress, perfect hair and kick-ass shoes, meets a prince and in a few short hours has formed a bond with him that will sustain them for the rest of their lives. It’s the stuff that has fueled the deeply disturbed fantasies of little girls around the globe. Our fairy godmother had all kinds of opportunities for a clever and delightful performance but she missed the mark with her unremarkable portrayal. (The Phantom notes that there were mouses that became mighty steeds, so perhaps he is mistaken about the scene’s intent. But if there was supposed to be magic, the scene certainly wasn’t magical.)

Our Cinderella did a very solid job with her part. The Phantom seems to remember that this young lady was once a young lass. Time flies. She has matured nicely and routinely gives us high-quality performances, and this show was no exception. She has a lovely voice. She was a sweet contrast of innocence and naiveté to her stepmother and stepsisters. She was rather bland, though—we didn’t see enough ebullience and energy—and that’s one of the reasons there was no electricity between her and the prince.

And that was a big problem. The Phantom is pretty sure that the audience is supposed to be interested in whether or not Cindy gets her man. And The Phantom is certain that their brief courtship is supposed to have some spark. A nap is not supposed to be on the audience’s agenda.

So what about the prince? He gave a nice performance—nice and safe. His voice was a bit shaky at times but he held his own. Considering his garb–the secondhand clothes of his sexier alter ego, Arthur of Camelot–he did well. Or alright. It was okay. Whatever. * yawn *

The chorus did fine. The dancing? C minus. We have seen creative and entertaining dancing come out of TTC in recent months, but this was Miss Cratchmore’s Fall Fun-tacular Adult Beginning Dance Recital and Bake Sale. Without the cookies. Ho Hum.

So let’s see. What else? Did anything really interesting happen in this show? Oh yeah, one of the stepsisters was great. In fact, she stole the show. You know which one. She was funny. She has been funny before and she’ll undoubtedly be funny again. Thank you stepsister, you kept The Phantom afloat. The stepmom and the other sister were fine, and the best number of the show was clearly the “Stepsister’s Lament.” The other numbers were plagued with a tempo that seemed overly slow. They were plodding and we were nodding (off).

The Phantom was so underwhelmed that he didn’t care one way or the other about the excessive aisle-stuffing by the cast. The Phantom understands that this director has a signature bit of utilizing the aisles to expand his stage, but this time for one long stretch he effectively blocked the view of all the patrons who had made the bad choice of not sitting in the center section. The Phantom prefers center-center so as to get the best view of the pageant-like feel of the ramp to nowhere. And it was cozy, snug in the center, surrounded by the cast on all sides. So perhaps, shame on you, you stupid side-aisle-sitting patrons. Arrive earlier so you can nab the best seats. The director can do whatever he wants. *yawn*

So there was nothing to get too excited about. The show meandered along. The air conditioning was working. It was nice to be sitting down. But there is one more wee tiny detail. A mere quibble. A last trivial complaint. The king and queen were awful. There. There’s the 800-lb. gorilla sneaking up on The Phantom’s left. The Phantom, ever a tolerant man, supposes that our King is the nicest of fellows. But c’mon, dude, you are killing us. Any more swishing and swaying, and we’re going to have to report you to SALADA (The Stereotype Abuse League of American Dramatic Arts). Our queen sang well but she worked each spoken line to death. She had all the panache of Catherine O’Hara as Sheila Albertson in Waiting for Guffman. Combined, the king and queen were painful.

So all in all, it was a slow, somnambulistic start to the TTC season. The Phantom is discouraged, but not down. There’s value in a nice nap.

Other than that, it was great.

The Phantom