Real Housewives of Camelot County

Three hours is a long time. Thankfully, The Theater Company filled three hours with the impeccable music and lyrics of Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe in their production of Camelot. Also thankfully, TTC’s lead characters were darn good singers who didn’t butcher any of the impeccable music and lyrics. Further thankfully, TTC is apparently not content to rest on its laurels and maintain the status quo; they seem to be working to outperform the last production and the one before that. Clap, clap, TTC, for striving for excellence. And finally thankfully, The Phantom has always been a big phan of this show, and he enjoyed this production very much. But thankfully (Oops. The Phantom appears to have been mistaken regarding the penultimate “thankfully.” Devoted readers of this insightful site will undoubtedly be startled to encounter any hint of imprecision. They know The Phantom to be a careful, conscientious and clever fellow. But do not be concerned, dear Phans, it was a rare lapse. Yes, The Phantom makes the occasional misstep. He made an error last year, and now here’s one in ’08. They do happen, you know. We’re only human. The Phantom hopes that you will forgive him and perhaps forget that this ever happened. He has. Where were we? Oh yes.) for you, dear Phans, the Phantom was not humming along with his eyes closed. Stay tuned. He has a quibble or two about the show.

Everyone was good. Yes, everyone. Some were gooder than others, but the overall grade for the show (actors, orchestra, sets, tech, quality of intermission snacks) was an impressive B++. (Come see the teacher after school and let’s see if we can’t get that up to an A minus. Bring cash and cookies.)

In scene one (settle in and stay with us here; there are 17 scenes, and yes, it’s a lot, it’s Cam-a-lot!) [Insert “badda-boom” drum shot sound here.], we are introduced to the cast of thousands, spilling out into the audience as is the modus operandi of the TTC director; it’s a fine way to add dimension to a play but unfortunate for those seated on an aisle when their only view is the backside of Chorus Member Number 37. Then, out of what is quite possibly the most splendid tree to grace any community/regional (oh, don’t get that old chestnut started again) [Badda-boom.] {“Tree” and “chesnut.” Get it? The Phantom is on a pun-a-licious role tonight. Y’all try to keep up.} theater, comes Arthur/Wart. We’ve never seen this handsome dude in the Brazos Valley before, but we are eagerly looking forward to seeing him again. Why, he could sing! And sing well. He could act. And act really well. His accent at the start of the show was pip-pip spot on. And if my female companion is to be believed, he was quite attractive in a chiseled, brooding, sexy, dark sort of way. The Phantom admits that he is annoyed by this, not because his own rugged masculine appeal is in doubt, but because The Phantom’s date for the day was his own sweet, aged-yet-still-feisty mother. Goodness, Mom, rein it in. Contain your man-made and doctor-prescribed hormones! Yes, Arthur was terrific. At least he was until scene 9, when he started to channel Sean Connery, an affliction that pursued him until the end of the show. (You can’t channel Sean. He may be retired, but he’s not dead yet!) Sadly, Arthur’s mush-mouthed Scottish accent became hard to follow, especially toward the end when he sought to be impassioned. What happened to the quiet simplicity of the original accent? Oh, Mom, quit whining. You know I’ve asked you not to read this over my shoulder. Okay, okay, I won’t put you back in the basement! Okay, you’re right, Arthur was great.

The Phantom preferred to rest his eyes on our leading lady. A magnificent Arthur deserves a magnificent Guenevere, and magnificent she was. She could sing (beautifully) and she could act. We hope we get to see her in a variety of other shows.

Yep, Guenevere was lovely and talented. We’ll gladly buy a ticket to see her again.

There were just one or two small things we noted. In this role, with this Arthur, we’re afraid she came off like one of those Real Housewives of Orange County, the ones with the collagen lips, the Botoxed foreheads, the concrete hair spray and the overdone faces. She was overly Fabulous. Worse, she was haughty, not innocent, of dubious age, uncharming and petulant, not precocious. The Phantom is certain that Guenevere should be a fiery young girl filled with a false bravado that only adds to her evident charm and intelligence. Not an in-your-face, neck-snapping bee-yotch. But man, oh, man, she could work those songs. So, in the spirit of the Lenten season, we forgive her. Guenevere, you were rocking the hair that never moved, and if we had been seated in the balcony of a considerably larger theater we would have never come to the tacky conclusion that you were an experienced Cougar stalking your younger Arthur. Maybe it was the lighting.

Merlin also made his appearance early in the first act, played by an old favorite of the valley, complete with messy white wig and long beard. He did a very nice job, and, blissfully, we did not notice any of the facial distortion that is this actor’s Achilles Heel (and the audience’s Hell). [Ba-Bum!] We like you, Merlin, we really do. You are so likable and notable that we were slightly disconcerted when you returned from the clutches of Nimue as a very visible and different character knight. True, it’s hard to lose you in a crowd, but was it really necessary for you to play two roles? Maybe, maybe not. We are not sure this time.

Nimue made a brief appearance with a lovely song, faithfully executed by another regular to the TTC stage. We think, in a Monday-morning-quarterback sort of way, that this young lady could have also done a fine job as Guenevere if the casting had gone differently. She’s growing up and has never failed to entertain us.

Speaking of regulars: Ta-DAH! Here comes Lancelot, played by none other than [fill in the blank here as you wish. For editorial clarity, we will quietly mention that we are referring, of course, to Sweet Cheeks. Let’s just keep that between us, though, because The Phantom has been scolded, on his own pages, no less, for his use of this nickname, apparently taken by The Phantom’s critics {WHAT?? There are some? Why?} to be a derisive sobriquet. However, truth be told, we are fond of this actor, who is always earnest and well-intentioned, and we straightforwardly assert that it is not his fault that he has too often been cast in roles that begged for an older, more seasoned veteran of romantic relationships. So, perhaps it is time to retire the nickname. The Phantom promises never to use it again. Is that alright with you, Sweet Cheeks?]. The Phantom was delighted and heartily amused when Mr. Cheeks performed “C’est Moi” to perfection. Clap, clap and clap again, Lancelot. Well done, indeed.

Alas and alack, this turns out to be a tricky role that requires Lancelot to make a paradigm shift from an over-the-top, self-righteous virgin to an introspective and guilt-ridden lover. And that shift proved, The Phantom regrets to announce, to be too much for this favorite son of TTC. Again, as on every other occasion in which he has been asked to portray a character who was consumed by a love that was full of passion, he gave us a wooden and stiff (and not in a good way) performance when it came to the delicate scenes between Lance and Guenevere. It’s a tough gig, Sweetness. It’s hard to be intimate with someone when you’re a bit young and you have 400 eyes staring at you. We have faith that you will learn to ignore the audience and wrap yourself in the tender moments between two lovers.

Pellinore. Where have you been? You were terrific! We thought your performance was right on the mark in spite of being slightly upstaged by Horrid, who possessed the quiet sensibility of all great actors. When he noticed the nuances contained in Horrid’s tremulous tail wag, The Phantom could hardly keep from jumping to his feet and yelling, Bravo! Bravo, Horrid, bravo!

As we have a taken a moment to mention a dog, we’ll also acknowledge an unsung hero of this production, the program. This trend of programs being cleverly written began with StageCenter, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and we were tickled when the Camelot program gave a listing to the dog and a couch. Very clever.

Back to the matter at hand: The first act of Camelot went on until Scene 10, and those of us who had a cocktail (or three) before the show were blinking away tears of bathroom desperation. But we didn’t want to leave early. The songs of Camelot are so wonderful one is reluctant to miss a word.

Act Two is darker and shorter, especially if you dump a scene, but the quality of the singing held fast. We understood rewarding snatches of Arthur’s dialogue. We met Mordred, the obnoxious bastard child of Arthur. He was as advertised, and we can only hope he was acting. (We have sometimes been surprised to find that the stellar “acting” job we saw on stage was just someone being themselves.) During Mordred’s scene with Morgan Le Fey, he did a random leap that left us startled. True, it was a good leap, but leaping for leaping’s sake is just odd. Later, we learned that our intrepid Mordred is a trained dancer. Ahh, it all comes together in a random and thoroughly unnecessary manner. Never mind. The Phantom is left scratching his big ol’ melon head.

Morgan Le Fey was the brunette cousin to Glenda the Good Witch, which is not the way the part is written. Too pretty, too high-pitched and we didn’t buy her gluttony. This actress is a hottie. Stick to hottie parts.

The orchestra did a fine job, accompanying rather than competing with the cast. The love songs and the fun songs were all sung beautifully. A professional troupe could not have done better.

The set was not a distraction, with the possible exception of our actors being stuck up in the stratosphere for a couple of scenes on that back wall. The lighting was weak and disjointed, however, and too often, actors were left in the dark. However, the burning and rescue scene was surreal and wonderfully dramatic as it should be. We were, in fact, entertained. Thank you, TTC, for an enjoyable show.

Other than that, it was great.

The Phantom