Deck the Halls with Every Kid in Town

We hope you had a holly, jolly Christmas, for it’s the best time of the year. Just when you thought the holidays were over, here’s a virtual figgy pudding, phaithful Phans. Local theaters gave us the Dickens this Christmas, with The Theater Company serving up yet another version of that perennial classic “A Christmas Carol.” Correct The Phantom if he is wrong—and do please note The Phantom’s humble generosity in acknowledging the possibility, albeit vanishingly remote, of a trivial inaccuracy occasionally finding its way into his reviews; such remarkable oddities in no way invalidate the penetrating and entirely unvarnished sweet wisdom of his observations, but they do endear him to his Phans, who are thereby able to feel that yes, although he is a phervent Servant of the Truth, he too is a fallible man who is just less phallible than most people. And where were we? Oh, right—we know you will, but this is the fifth time TTC has staged the tale of Scrooge and Tiny Tim. The Phantom, being wise and far-thinking (and needing to arrange his busy calendar around his work writing scripts for I Love New York 3) had his ticket well in advance—a good thing, as this show sold out before it even opened. We love Scrooge as much as the next guy. He’s one of our favorite Christmas characters, along with the abdominal snowman from the animated Rudolph. But sold out before it even opened??!! As we went down Santa Claus Lane, the lane of cars, to get to the theater, we had to wonder why. Aha! It turned out that TTC cast every kid within a 10-mile radius in this play. And there in the audience were the obligatory aunts, uncles, moms, dads, sisters, neighbors, co-workers, parole officers, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers of someone on stage. It was like a huge nightly family reunion. (And of course, far be it for The Phantom to frown on phamily. He is rumored to have one of his very own, replete with pater and mater and a crazy aunt in the attic. [She’s an old bat in the belfry]. But goodness, there were throngs of people onstage. Was Grandma able to find little Abigail among the masses?)

This new staging of the story was said to be something special, but the songs were forgettable—with the exception of the angel song sung by small children, which succeeded in bringing a tear to the eye and a lump to the throat. There is something sweet about the plaintive tone of a small child (as long as it goes home with someone else at night), and with a bunch of little girls dressed as angels singing that same tune, well, Randy—you clever old dog, you—someone would have to be a real Scrooge to pan that scene. And The Phantom is no Scrooge.

Segue to the actor who did play Scrooge. He must be the man of the year because he’s everywhere!!! He’s on stage when you are sleeping, he’s on stage when you’re awake. He’s on stage when he is bad or good, albeit mostly good, for goodness sake. He’s still doing The Face—scrunching up his nose, lifting his chin, showing his teeth, and looking down his nose—but The Phantom is becoming numb to it. He will endeavor not to allow this aberration to trouble him. He will put it out of his mind. He will not speak of it further. He will not think of it at all. He will perseverate no more. He will find inner peace. He will seek his center. Serenity now. Serenity NOW!! Out of mind. Out of mind. If only it were out of sight.

In fact, Scrooge played his part nicely, with plenty of energy. We did find Scrooge’s requisite transformation to be completely unconvincing because he seemed to repent rather, shall we say, instantly. We hoped, however, that that was a problem with the book and not with the actor’s interpretation of the part. Perhaps the director didn’t want to dwell on the grouchy nature of the story too long. Or perhaps Scrooge was as charmed by the giggly Ghost of Christmas Past as Hef is charmed by Kendra.

Indeed, the Ghost of Christmas Past had us scratching our head. It was sort of Dickens meets The Girls Next Door. Have dumb blonde jokes found their way even into literary classics? The Phantom is unsettled.

The rest of the cast of thousands was just fine. The children were nestled all snug in their… wait, sorry, they were adorable, God Bless them all, every one. Tiny Tim was played by the adorablest of adorable kids and he was still adorable as Tiny Tim. We can’t help but wonder if he will still be adorable when he’s 35 in that child-star-grown-up-disturbing way of Danny Bonneduce or Gary Coleman. We hope not. The Phantom would be unsettled.

The sets were magnificent, painted to perfection. They made one think of a Dickensian Main Street USA from Disney World. The backdrop was perfect. What a gift that set was. Clap, clap and hats off to you set builders. Hard to believe, but you get better with every show. (The only thing missing was a control tower for a traffic manager to direct the flow of the mobs in the crowd scenes. We had moments when the London street was completely empty and then boom, it was filled with several different mobs, including the usual gang of, sadly, unavoidably screaming children: Enter stage left. Run screaming to down stage center. Pause for three seconds of precious face time for Aunt Esther if you’re lucky enough to be near the front. Exit, screaming, to upstage right. Oy. Those audience members unrelated to members of the herd could only strive to stay calm during each ordeal.)

Costuming was great, as usual, and the sheer volume made it all the more impressive. How do you do it, ladies? (We admit that we couldn’t actually see the clothing on the actors standing more than four rows back in the crowd scenes, but we assume that their costumes were pretty good too. Phans, did any of you occasionally catch a glimpse of those people? How did they look?)

So the stage was crowded, embarrassingly so, but the show was family-centric and, alright, The Phantom admits it, delightful. Perfect in length, so the very old and the very young in the audience didn’t have time to get tired and cranky. Every child got a chance to scream on stage. It was a community gift and The Phantom says Thank You TTC, and have a Happy New Year!

A rather different version of holiday cheer unfolded across town at StageCenter in Mrs. Bob Cratchit’s Wild Christmas Binge. This was a darker, comedic opposite of the sugar-coated family hour over at TTC. And of course The Phantom hasn’t become so laboTTComized that he scoffs at alternative theater. He applauds the alternative, the right, the left and the catty-cornered. Look up “open-minded” on Wikipedia, and you’ll find a link to this site. Nevertheless…

There we were, confronting the sparkly Converse hi-tops of the apparent new queen of StageCenter. Again. Uh, oh, she was the lead, the director, the producer and the chief cook and bottle washer of this little production. The Phantom certainly admires her initiative and resourcefulness. Her capacity for lots of work is noted. Unfortunately, “noted” does not always make for “noteworthy.” She was front and center, but the Ghost’s performance was merely okay. The Phantom thought it overdone and pushed, but dripping with a misplaced sense of self-importance. We worried that the actor was too pleased with herself and wanted the audience to acknowledge just how darn good she was. However, The Phantom asserts—as ironic as it may seem, given his own shining excellence—that a certain amount of inner humility is key to a good performance.

Scrooge was as grouchy and hateful and scroogey as any good Scrooge can be, and our actor did a job that rivaled many a fine portrayal, including those of Albert Finney, Steve Larson, Patrick Stewart, Scrooge McDuck, Michael Caine, Bill Murray and perhaps the most well-known, Mr. Magoo. Then again, our Scrooge is an actor who is almost always great. He’s a pleasure to watch on stage, no matter the supporting cast or shortcomings of the book.

Speaking of the supporting cast, Bob Cratchit was a likeable nondescript sort of guy, perfectly appropriate for the character. There was also a potpourri of characters who were portrayed by young high school students, and it showed. We believe they had a much better time with their performances than the audience did. The Phantom encourages all actors to take pleasure in their time on stage. But when there are jokes among the actors that are not shared with the audience, it is no longer theater; it becomes the hallway in front of Mrs. Saunders’s English Class between 3rd and 4th period.

Props go out to our Clarence the Angel, who was so physically phunny, we couldn’t help but smile. A caution is in order about the slit in the nightgown, though, Clarence. It came dangerously close to showing a little more of the Christmas nuts and berries than anyone but Mrs. Clarence would want to see.

This review would also be gravely remiss without a mention of the increasingly infamous actress (a term which, regrettably, is used loosely in the present context) who played Hedvig and Nice Mrs. Cratchit. We thought about being honest and observing that she was dreadfully wooden, awkward and halting in both parts, but she seems to be such a pleasant person offstage that The Phantom will say nothing of the kind. It’s the Christmas season, after all. So we’ll simply wish Nice Mrs. Cratchit a happy, prosperous and joyous New Year.

The real Mrs. Cratchit was a clinically depressed alcoholic who neglected her children. Hey, kids, nothing says “Merry Christmas” like an abusive abuser. The Phantom was ambivalent here. At turns, her performance seemed over the top, but considering the direction and the book, perhaps it wasn’t. And she was so wry and sarcastic that The Phantom was genuinely amused on several occasions. Truth be told (and it always is), the whole performance left us with an expression not unlike The Face of that omnipresent actor, the Big Man of ’07, who played Tevye/Lipton/von Trapp/Scrooge over at NTA and TTC. You know, it looks like he’s smiling, but he’s squinting into the sun, so you can’t be sure? Is it a happy face? Or is it a hammy face? No one knows for sure.

So The Phantom wasn’t crazy about this play. It was often cute, but it was also half-baked. And the contrast between the smaller audiences at StageCenter’s frugal, but more daring, production and the crowds at TTC’s opulent mainstream show were worrisome. C’mon, Phans, go see all the theater in the Valley. And join casts at more than one venue. StageCenter needs, wants, and deserves your support and help.

Other than that, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And we won’t go til we get some.

The Phantom